Women!!!

[jungle]

simple enough question, friends are having this problem, thought i'd get your opinions if you care to venture them.

basically, should you change who you are to please others for your girlfriend or should she accept who you for who you are.

this is an age old question, and very 2 sided as well, coz "if you love them then yes" or "she fell for who you are, so you shudnt need to change, especially if its a really big part of you."

im really interested in opionions here, so leave them, u never know u might help others who read this or something.

[pkpete]

you shouldnt change who you are even for love because if you do , its not actually you falling in love , its your new changed image

I find juggling parkour and girlfriends very hard ,becauses they think that everything i do could kill me( baby 45 and 45 kinda stuff) if you can find a girl that can appreciate you and your parkour and that you found parkour first you should have no problem!

[ef1]

compramises yes, change no!
if you are both confident enough in your own individual personalitys and you respect each others viewpoints there shouldnt be a problem. relationships are built on mutual respect,give and take, compramising and love.
anyone who tries to change someone,especially if they dont want to change is normally looking for some sort of change in there own life.

[Rui]

Very difficult one indeed, my opinion is that you shouldnt have to change for someone to make them like you.
If they dont like who you are then find another one simple as, many many many fishes in the sea as the analogy goes. I've been taught and learnt from experience that people only want the true you not a fabricated one.
But saying this we do change every now and then due to experiences etc.

[fogs]

If you fancy the benifit of the experiance then allow the change.
Every experiance you have changes you. You are not the person you were 1 second ago.
The bast way to go through life is to embrace change (very difficult), as it leads to continuity and the only real pernamance that can exist. Reality is a constant fluxal system where everything changes all the time.

[Maverick]

Difficult? This isn't difficult. Let me learn you boys something good. It's from my many years of experiences that I have such wisdom to share.

You shouldn't change. Period. As Fogs said, change is inevitable and every experience will change you, and so forth. But you shouldn't force a change on yourself unless it's for what you consider to be a greater good within yourself. DO NOT CHANGE FOR A WOMAN. That can't get any more plain. Don't do it. There are so many women in this world, it is impossible for there not to be 1 who is interested in who you are. You might have to do some searching for her, but she is out there.

In fact, I dare say there's many more than 1. But just think for a moment...a world of 6 billion people...I think statistically most of us humans are women? I dunno...but I do know that if you were to look at complete lists of personality for every individual in your country or mine you would find so many girls you could be matched up with. It's ridiculous, mates...it truly is.

Bottom line? Change is alright, but don't do it for a female. Learn to compromise, learn to give and share, but be you.

Oh yeah. And ladies: the same goes for you. There are too many guys out there for you to just settle on one and change yourself until he likes you. It's just stupid.

[cord]

i dont change nuts for anyone but you must compromise......

no need to change who you are but compromise is indeed necessary

[tarzan]

if they realy do love you, they won't expect you to change

[Sam]

Havent had time to read all the answers lately because im really busy...

but i reackon that you should never change for the girl because she met you the way you are now and if you change the girl might not like you for who you are changing into... but by all means if the girl wants you to change then change BUT stay the way you are.

[Beast]

I read the first post and voted in the poll ages ago, but this is the first time I've read all the posts properly, because the exact thing is happening to me right now.

Long story, so in a nutshell... I've been seeing a lot of this girl at college in the last month or so, its obvious that she likes me but we're not going out at the moment (but hopefully soon) but thats beside the point...

She has already insisted that she's going to take me shopping to get a new pair of trainers (because she thinks my Adidas Novas look hideous) and a pair of designer jeans, she hates me doing pakour and shisha (as PKPete said, she thinks its going to kill me) and doesnt want me doing either activities, and wants me to dye my hair purple.

I've already made compromises on most of them... I'm going to get a pair of new trainers, but wont be able to afford the jeans, I'm allowed to do parkour but as long as she's not there and I'm going to dye my hair with the washout dyes and if I like it, I might even use the proper dye. And god knows whats happening about the shisha...

We're not even going out yet and she's already like this, I can see that this is going to get worse . I honestly don't understand why girls like to change guys even though they should like you as you are.

[ef1]

beast said:

She has already insisted that she's going to take me shopping to get a new pair of trainers (because she thinks my Adidas Novas look hideous) and a pair of designer jeans, she hates me doing pakour and shisha (as PKPete said, she thinks its going to kill me) and doesnt want me doing either activities, and wants me to dye my hair purple.

are you sure its you she acctually wants to go out with because it sounds like she wants to change you to someone else!! i mean purple hair and no pk, it doesnt sound like the beast we all know and love,lol.
if there was no girl involved would you even consider these changes?

[Gavin]

yeh rich think about that one. dont want you changing just because of some girl. i know how much u like her but think of what u are changing and how its goin to effect your life.

my views on this are
1. if you want a "summin summin" with this girl then change to get her attetion and to get her to like you i.e work the charm"if you know what i mean"
2. if you want a realtionship with a girl then dont change. because she will find out who you are in the long run and it will be a bgger surprise because u are deep in the realtionship.

peace

[fogs]

Never be afraid to change. Embrace it!
As long as you are aware of the influences you will be fine and you will learn from the experience. If the female has something about her that you are interested in then do what you feel is right to access it.
Life is a journey and every experience is of development & learning to finding who you really are. You are an intelligent young man, as long as you maintain self determination and not allow another to usurp your individuality, on your terms, all will be fine.
It is easy to sit & wait for the right thing to come along because you may fear a particular outcome, however, stasis isnt going to advantage you with personal development & understanding.
Go into the candy shop and taste all the sweet things that take your fancy. If you are a strong enough character you will spit out what you dont like when it suits you.